Every day is a blessing.

Never in my life have a met a person or animal as excited to start a new day as Pete. As soon as I throw the comforter off in the morning and get out of bed, he knows. He knows he gets to go outside, then come in for breakfast. It's like me being asleep is the same as me being gone to work. Now that I'm awake, it's like he's meeting me for the first time. His tail goes crazy, he starts running all over the place, his hair stands up, he pants. All just because it's morning. I could only wish to greet each day with half of that enthusiasm. I've decided it just isn't in the cards for me to ever be a morning person. I used to hope my resentment towards waking up was just a "teenage thing." Then I hoped it was a "college thing," then "adjusting-to-a-new-time zone thing." I have realized that it is just the way I'm wired and I will be dependent on coffee to function for the rest of my life.

Chris is going on week four in the field. This past weekend, while he was home, we went to the casino, went golfing, had a couple nice dinners, relaxed, watched football. I'm not sure what we'll have planned this next weekend, but it'll be one week closer to the end of this field problem. Maybe take the pups to a nice dog park and go geocaching with them. We're both looking forward to Michigan over Thanksgiving. I have a dress appointment with Mom and Sid which will be exciting. I may squeeze in a run just to see how training at a higher altitude has affected me : )

This was a pretty short post, but not much out of the ordinary going on. I did get accepted into UTEP's Master's program so I think I'll be starting that in January! Other than that, not much new on the home front.

"Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened." ~ Anatole France

10 ways having a dog will prepare me for a baby

So it has been a very long time since I've posted, I apologize. With Chris being in the field, taking care of the house and animals after a full day of work is a daunting task. Anyway, I came across an article that I am literally going to copy. Chris and I have discussed having children (not anytime soon, and definitely not before our wedding in the Church). It was something that I did not want to rush into, and Chris and I still have a lot of time to enjoy each other before bringing in another factor. Having children was something that I have actually completely doubted for a very long time, but the idea is slowly growing on me. Either way, I loved this article by Lauren Hartmann and it is absolutely, 100% true. Please read:

Perhaps you may recall my post a couple of weeks ago about my ridiculously easy dog and how I feel like she hasn't prepared me for the high maintenance needs of the newborn that will soon be living with my husband and I.
I received a lot of comments from readers who disagreed and felt that their dogs really have been good preparation for parenthood, which made me stop to reconsider my dog. While I must admit that I do have the easiest dog on the planet and that there's probably no way our baby will be as easy to care for as a she is (I completely expected this), I did come up with 10 ways that she actually has prepared me for a baby. Even if my dog isn't the most high maintenance, she still definitely requires some responsibility.

1. Dogs provide you with plenty of middle-of-the-night surprises...

...just like babies. I can recall many a time being woken up to dog puke in the middle of the night...good practice for those random wake-ups a baby will bring.

2. Both are adorably perfect for plastering on social networking sites

My dog has blinded me into thinking that every little thing she does is cute enough to post on Facebook. I've gotten better, but I'm sure the same will happen when I have a baby. If I start posting about nap schedules and the consistency of poopy diapers, please host an intervention.

3. Both dogs and babies adore you and completely depend on you

Despite the fact that my dog can eat on her own, she still needs me to buy her food and serve it to her. Despite the fact that she's completely potty trained, she still relies on me to pick up on her cues and to actually let her out to go do her thing. All of her basic needs must be met by me, just like a baby. The bonus is that babies and dogs completely adore you and love you more than anything else in the world.

4. Dogs, like babies, are an instant conversation starter...

...and both solicit unwanted advice from strangers. When you have a dog, other people with dogs (or without) want to come up and ask you 20 questions about it ("What's her name?", "How old is she?", "How did you get her to do that?"). Same goes for babies - I would imagine play group conversations start up quite similarly ("What's her name?", "How old is she?", "How did you get her to do that?"). Perhaps having a dog has been slight preparation for the unwanted advice from strangers I'm sure to get as a parent, because I've definitely gotten plenty of unwanted doggy parenting advice already.

5. They're both cute and cuddly

Both are so adorable! Can I just quit work and snuggle with you all day?

6. Babies and dogs both require grooming
Like babies, dogs require washing, brushing, cleaning, etc... Basic, but true.

7. Both will embarrass you in public with bad behavior at some point

This photo is from the first time we took Marley to the beach. She was completely insane and wouldn't behave on her leash, so my husband had to actually pick her up and carry her. Kind of embarrassing to have everyone staring at you carrying a 65 pound dog down to the beach. I would imagine that screaming babies in public may illicit the same embarrassed/frustrated state from time to time.

8. You sometimes have to forego plans when they aren't allowed at an event or location

Sometimes dogs just aren't allowed into places, so you have to change your plans or work around it. You can't take a dog to the movies. You can't take them to your friend's house if they happen to be allergic. You can't take them to a fancy restaurant. Same goes for babies...and actually all of the same locations (babies at the movies can be disasters and I know plenty of people that are also "allergic" to babies...often those allergic to babies also tend to frequent said fancy restaurants).

9. You have to anticipate their messes and keep things out of their reach

Every time I leave the house I have to take out the garbage. It's the one thing that my otherwise ridiculously well-behaved dog can't resist. I'm pretty sure garbage is like doggy-crack. This is kind of like baby proofing your house, or keeping messy things out of your baby's reach. It must be done - unless you really like cleaning up messes.

10. You love being with them and can't stand being away from them for too long

Whenever we go on vacation by the end, we're always completely missing Marley like crazy and wishing we were home already to spend time with her. I'm sure with the love bomb that we're about to experience with this baby we're never going to want to leave her side, and it's all going to be totally worth it and completely awesome.

When you love someone, show it.

Our dogs find it impossible to play "hard to get." When they are happy, they show it. When they're upset, they show it. They are constantly wearing their hearts on their sleeves, so to speak. They can't hold grudges, they can't hide their feelings (although Grace knows how to manipulate). They forgive freely and easily and life goes on to the next game of fetch. To constantly live in the moment and remember no past trespasses must be liberating. Even when they are being punished, they wag their tales. When they are disciplined, they still know we love them and are unable to harbor ill will.

Another thing that's impossible for our dogs is multi-tasking. When there is a task at hand, they pour their hearts and souls into that one thing, whether it's fetch, running, napping, chewing their bones, etc. I recently read that this is one of the keys to true happiness: to be able to focus on one task at a time and do it extremely well. To think about anything other than the present risks undermining our happiness. Pete is incredibly good at having a one-track mind, always involving a ball or treats. My personal goal for the near future is to just be very good at what I am doing in the moment. Not to worry about how much further I have to run, not to worry about projects I know are coming down the pipe, just to be completely devoted to the now.

Chris has been out in the field now for three days, and it feels like three weeks. We are all missing him terribly. I took the dogs for a walk last night, and Grace took disliking strangers to a new level: she barked at an infant in a stroller. Definitely need to work on her manners and get that under control. She used to be much more well behaved, but Pete has created a strange new dynamic. I know Grace would never actually bite anyone, but she does have a nasty bark. Pete and I are working on a new trick, only to be unveiled when Chris comes home next weekend : )

Don't trust strangers.

Grace is especially good at this rule. She barks and gets all poofy around strangers. She takes a little longer to warm up to new people than Pete does. Then again, Pete doesn't feel that he needs to prove himself. Grace feels the need to act tough, or Pete gives her a false sense of confidence. One of the two.

Anyways, I need to write about the run I had last night. I'm paying for it today, but it was one of "those runs." If you're a runner, you know what I'm talking about. I am not a runner, but I have experienced these mythical runs once in a blue moon. I hadn't even planned on running last night. It was almost 7 and I had just finished Cheetos and Coke Zero. Something lured me to pull on my New Balance Minimus' and put on my watch. I was pretty upset that my iPod wasn't charged, but I decided to head out anyways. As soon as my feet hit the pavement, I knew. This was going to be one of those runs. My feet felt the pavement through my minimal shoes. The sun had just slid behind the mountains, but the sky was still pink and orange. The heat from the day had mostly evaporated and there were cool spots pooling under trees. My head and my body were working as one. My form was flawless. Breathing wasn't labored at all. It felt so natural, like I could keep doing this for the rest of my life and never get tired. Even as I felt every stride through my shins and calves, it felt good, I actually enjoyed the sensation as it meant I was running and alive. No headphones, minimal shoes, little training over three miles. None of it mattered. I had no deadline, no pressure, no reason to run other than I wanted to. I smiled at people I passed, said "hello." Every time I approached a turn that would take me back home, I kept going, knowing that it was only making the return longer. Everything was perfect. Euphoric almost. 5.56 miles later, and some severe chaffing, I returned back to my driveway. It was one of those feelings that to continue running would feel better, and be easier, than to stop. It was amazing.

If I tried to recreate it tonight, it may only turn into a couple horrible, agonizing, winded miles. But last night will have made it all worth it. Runs like last night keep me going, keep me hopeful, keep me optimistic. Last night, I will not soon forget.

They always know.

So Chris just left for the field this morning. We will be going for two straight weeks without him, then we will at least get to see him on weekends for the subsequent four weeks. Grace and Pete knew something was up last night. They moped around the house, napped more than usual, poutted. Grace has an incredible sad face, by the way. Pete has a pretty good confused face. All I have to do is pick up my iPod and the dogs think they're going for a run. Running shoes, same thing. Running watch, same thing. If I pick up my keys and purse though, they seem to know I'm leaving and they are staying.

This weekend was not a very eventful one. Chris finished his first class in his Master's program. I got a TON of housework done. The dog we are sitting for ate half a television remote, so that was fun. We picked up more firewood and had a nice little bonfire Saturday night. We stopped by the Humane Society and played with some of the dogs for awhile. Chris spent a couple hours packing for the field. We watched football, talked to family, played with the pups. I made of list of potential projects to keep me busy around the house for the next couple weeks (buying pumpkins to carve is on the list). Most of the following blogs will be a way for Pete, Grace, Jake, Lil' Lou and I to chronicle our adventures in Chris' absense. The dog park may be in order.

I found this poem in one of the recesses of the internet, and it brings me to tears every time I read it:

RESCUE POEMOnce I was a lonely dog,
Just looking for a home.
I had no place to go,
No one to call my own.
I wandered up and down the streets,
in rain in heat and snow.
I ate what ever I could find,
I was always on the go.
My skin would itch, my feet were sore,
My body ached with pain.
And no one stopped to give a pat
Or a gently say my name.
I never saw a loving glance,
I was always on the run.
For people thought that hurting me
was really lots of fun.
And then one day I heard a voice
So gentle, kind and sweet,
And arms so soft reached down to me
And took me off my feet.
"No one again will hurt you"
Was whispered in my ear.
"You'll have a home to call your own
where you will know no fear,"
"You will be dry, you will be warm,
you'll have enough to eat"
"And rest assured that when you sleep,
your dreams will all be sweet."
I was afraid I must admit,
I've lived so long in fear.
I can't remember when I let
A human come so near.

Act first, think later.

So this may not be the best advice in all situations, but it definitely promotes living in the moment. Enjoy the here and now and you likely won't have many regrets later, right? People tend to regret things they didn't do, not things they did. In the simplest of ways, our dogs live this motto every day.

Example: Grace can easily clear the fence in our backyard, often playing with neighbor dogs on their home turf, much to the dismay of their owners (we're working on this). We never imagine Pete would be able to clear the fence due to his low center of gravity and hearty waistline. We found we were wrong. Several nights ago, I put Pete in the backyard so I could go for a run without worrying about cleaning up an "accident" when I returned home. I made it almost out of our neighborhood when I looked down to realize that Pete was running with me. We turned around, ran home, and I put him in the house. This morning they went out to go to the bathroom before I left for work. Grace jumped the fence, and adrenaline must have, in turn, lifted Pete over the fence. When I called them back in, Grace bounced right back into the yard and pranced into the house. Pete, on the other hand, was stranded in a strange backyard with no remaining adrenaline to lift him back over. A couple pitiful jumps proved futile. Just as I was about to pull out of the driveway to circle the block and free him through their gate, he must have realized the seriousness of the situation, and fear of punishment gave him the boost he needed to catapault back into our yard.

Act first, think later. Better to beg forgiveness than ask permission; that's the dog's motto. Even as he was getting scolded for leaving the yard, his tail was still wagging which was frustrating at best. Grace knows she's smarter and faster than me so her scolding fell on deaf ears.

Chris and I have both realized lately that life has become increasingly busy and slowing down to enjoy things has become impossible. We're going to try to take this weekend to just relax and spend time together before he leaves for the field for six weeks. I'm sure the pups will enjoy the undivided attention : )

"In order to really enjoy a dog, one doesn't merely try to train him to be semihuman. The point of it is to open oneself to the possibility of becoming partly a dog." - Edward Hoagland

Animal Hoarders

Our friend Josh has been transferred to Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore for further treatment on his noggin'. They still haven't decided if the tumor is cancer, but another round of MRI's today should help clear up the picture. Either way, they are receiving the best care possible.

In light of Josh and Amanda's journey to Maryland, we are pet-sitting their animals for the time being. Their cats are fine to stay at their house with a daily check-in, but we have moved their boxer-mix (Murphy) in with us for convenience reasons. Chris and I used to joke about being animal hoarders, but now realized that we are not, and could never be. All of the dogs are fairly well behaved for the most part, with the exception that they are all two years old and over 40 pounds. Two of them being male, it's a constant "marking" war in the backyard. Grace tends to keep to herself (with her bone of course). All of them needing to go to the bathroom in the morning, then herding back in the house for breakfast with muddy paws, puts me on the verge of an anxiety attack. But then I remember back to when Chris and I went to Gulf Shores with my family for spring break and boarded Grace. I would have rather gotten up at 5 am every morning to let her out, than be without her. So when we start to grumble, I try my hardest to put it all back in perspective.

In other news, most of our friends are all deployed now. If you'd like addresses to send care packages, please just let me know. The FOB one friend is stationed at had their dining facility and kitchen get bombed so he's happy with dried muffin mix for now. I know they all appreciate every little bit.

Chris is doing very well leading his platoon. We're both hoping for an XO or Specialty Platoon next! This is the last week Chris is home before he deploys to the field for six weeks. He'll go two straight weeks out there, then come back on weekends. Every time Chris leaves for the field, I seem to accumulate another dog to care for on my own :) I think this will be the longest stint we've gone sithout seeing each other since we've lived with each other.

Chris' school is going well, I have applied to UTEP for their Master's program. My work is going very well. I survived the end of the Federal fiscal year, but nothing seems to be slowing down yet! We will be buying tickets this week to head to Michigan for Thanksgiving. And to all family reading this, after this year, we're expecting family to come to us for a couple holidays.

Marathon training is underway and it is horrible....need to keep thinking positive. Chris received acceptance of his annulment case so now we just wait for the final decree. The sooner the better so we can get this Church wedding moving! Chris and I are debating volunteering at an animal shelter in town a couple days a month. We really like the work that the Humane Society does, and we'd get to play with the animals without the responsibility of caring for another one full-time : )

"If you have men who will exclude any of God's creatures from the shelter of compassion and pity, you will have men who will deal likewise with their fellow men." - St. Francis of Assisi

Invest in cleaner. And patience.

Chris and I have traditionally kept a fairly clean house, according to our standards. We were also both raised in very clean homes. So trying to keep up with the household chores with four animals can sometimes prove daunting. Sweeping, mopping, vaccuuming, and shampooing the rugs happens several times a week. Dusting (which I loathe) about once a week. Cleaning up the litter boxes, messes outside, keeping everyone watered and fed. Pete's "happy tail syndrome" spots our walls with blood which sometimes make it look like a crime scene. Cleaning off the walls is probably my new least favorite task of all. All of this, not to include, the chores that keep Chris and I functioning, like laundry, mowing the lawn, cleaning the cars, dishes, etc. And, El Paso's naturally dusty and windy climate somehow creeps into all of the corners of our house. There are days when I look into our front lawn and realize I haven't picked up our daily Wall Street Journal in four days. One paper will be on our front bench, one on the sidewalk, one tangled in the front bush. Chris and I both agree that the house we eventually buy will be about half the size of the one we're currently living in, for our sanity's sake. We've through about 79 gallons of pet cleaning products in the last couple months in the battle to keep our home bacteria free. With Pete outside now most of the day, this battle is much less difficult.

These last couple weeks have been really hectic around our house. Chris now has a platoon which takes up a lot of his energy, starting at 5:00 am every morning. This is the last week of the federal fiscal year for me, so a lot of extra hours put in supporting the team at work. By the time we both get home and eat dinner, we look like zombies. Not to mention the nights that Chris has schoolwork due. With Josh being in the hospital, we try to hang out up there every other night for an hour. I do sometimes feel guilty about not spending more time with our animals, but I try to play fetch with Pete every night and this always involves Grace chasing him the entire time. We also try to hang out with the cats for awhile before we go to bed (this is when Lil' Lou is at his best). Chris and I have a date scheduled for Saturday night, so we're pretty excited about that. Marathon training will also eat into our days starting next week. While we're exhausted most of the time, we both feel that this is pretty standard for this point in our lives. We're running the rat race now so that we can spend the golden years with our cheeks in the sand and margaritas in hand. Right?

I believe that every couple and young adult should be made to be responsible for a dog prior to their decision (or lack of decision) to have children. It will either completely deter them from any further responsibility, or at least build up their tolerance to patience and being a little more selfless. Being woken up by Rhino at 5:30 because he has to potty is pretty tough sometimes. Side note: I like calling Pete anything but his name - Rhino, Gremlin, Yoda, My Little Circus Bear, etc. Trying to relax on the back patio while trying to keep Grace in the yard and quieting Pete from barking at rocks can be stressful. The constant panting and wrestling and jumping could put anyone on the verge of an anxiety attack. Grace can be getting yelled at for eating an entire bag of tortilla chips pulled off the counter, while at the same time be wagging her tail. They can be incredibly frustrating, and in the next second make us laugh. They have definitely taught me a sense of patience that I've been striving to find my entire life. But then we remember that they're practically still puppies. Their years to calm down and grow old are still far ahead of us. And then, yes, I'm sure we will miss this.

Keep loving through it all.

Quick updates: I did get up and run this morning and it was one of the best runs I've had here in El Paso to date. Grace did manage to wiggle out of her tightened harness as well. I have no idea how she managed that one, but I have a feeling Pete helped unclip her. So now Pete is outside, Grace is inside and the cats are upstairs in a room during the day. We're thinking a kennel is next so Grace can be outside and the cats can roam free again. Not sure if I've mentioned the cats yet, but we have Jake and Lil' Lou.  Jake is a male tabby who's almost two. He is very vocal and very big. We know he loves being outside, but he would never come home if we let him explore. Lil' Lou is ten weeks old. He is mostly white with a black spot and a black tail. He is extremely energetic and kitten crazy. We just bought them a cat tree which they both seem to love. Lil' Lou has no idea that Jake has a good 8-10 pounds on him. Lil' Lou has become a necessity in the grieving process over his namesake.

The event that happened two weeks ago was pretty traumatic, but I was able to realize something through that. In the days that followed, I couldn't look at the dogs. I dare say I hated them and the thought of them disgusted me. We were ready to give them away. But somehow, over the last week, the love has started creeping back in again. Are they incredibly annoying most of the time? Yes. Are they exhausting and needy? Yes. Are they messy and loud? Yes. But through some miracle, they are winning me back over. Grace's smile and cunning tricks, Pete's incessant circles and devotion to fetch. The way Pete "earthworms" his way onto the couch to lay across our laps. The way Grace whines outside of the bathroom because it pains her to know I'm so close but she can't see me. These are our dysfunctional, crazy animals. They make us laugh and let us know we're needed. These last couple weeks have been an absolute tornado, but the emotions are starting to even back out again (for the most part). Louis will be missed for the rest of my life, but he left an amazing legacy in his short life. And at the end of the day, we still have four animals that need love and care and attention.

So even in the deepest, darkest, most sad times, I've learned that there eventually be a day that is a little brighter. And from that day, an even brighter day will come. Louis touched my life in a way that I'm not sure any other animal will, but he made it better. He gave me love and laughter that I wouldn't have had otherwise and for that I am incredibly grateful. As for the pups, even they are helping fill up the void they created. So keep an open heart. As hard as it sometimes seems, keep giving. Let anger fall away and strive to truly die to yourself. This is a heavy lesson and the more I write this blog, the more I feel that our dogs are little Buddhas (although Pete looks a bit more like Yoda sometimes). "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

Exercise (and play) are privileges.

This lesson I thought about early this morning on  my run. I hate waking up in the morning, and I'm at that point in my relationship with running that I don't really like running that much either. Higher altitude, no humidity. Blah. But as I'm running this morning, I realize how excited Grace and Pete get when I so much as touch one of their leashes or start putting on my iPod. Running is a privilege, in more ways than one.

There are many people that aren't able to run for a variety of reasons, and as much as I sometimes despise it, at least my body is capable of doing it (at least for a little while). This fact became excruciatingly obvious this past week as one of best friends was hit with a brain infection. One day shy of his first deployment to Afghanistan, he was hit with a massive seizure. Rounds of test dispelled the initial fear of a tumor and diagnosed him with an "infection." The details still aren't very clear, but hopefully after rounds of high speed antibiotics the swelling will go down and he'll get his wish to still deploy at the end of October. This was, and is, an otherwise healthy 25 year old soldier who on Saturday morning could have run five miles without thinking. Nothing is a guarantee. Spending a good couple hours in an ICU will solidify that. Our friend was the youngest in the ICU by a good 50 years, and honestly the only one that was able to get out of his bed by his own free will. Nurses were trying to keep the other patients comfortable and medicated, while they were just trying to keep Josh on hospital grounds. The woman lying next to him Sunday night was not there Monday morning. Nothing is a guarantee.

So it's epiphanies like this that make me not hate running so much. What if this was my last run? Would it be a good one? Would I have pushed myself as far as I could? Should I have brought both the dogs with me? See, running with the pups is like being on a bench press, doing a dead sprint, and rowing all at the same time. As mentioned earlier, Pete isn't quite able to run on a loose leash yet and Grace is becoming increasingly fascinated with the innumerable jack rabbits. I've heard the Gentle Leader is a good investment for larger dogs. Being able to control my rhinos with a  swift flick of the wrist is very enticing. I tried buying a coupler so I would only have to hold one leash, but Pete's giant rib cage kept bumping Grace off the sidewalk and she ended up crabbing (running sideways) most of the way. Not to mention, trying to rein in our two dogs with one arm will require a couple more push-ups and bicep curls. Pete did heel a little and walk beside me for a little while, but that was a combination of him being tired and me having him in a choke hold. Grace needs a harness because she used to pull so hard the fur on her neck started thinning.

I know my blood isn't quite thin enough yet for me to really enjoy running here, but hopefully I'll get there soon. Chris and I are starting our marathon training on Tuesday so I need to get used to this real quick! The El Paso marathon is February 2 and that is a long four months away. Through my dogs' eyes, running is the best gift in the world (although Pete might argue it's fetch). So tomorrow morning when the alarm goes off at 5:15 am, I'll try to be a little less grumpy and a little more grateful.

Grace and Pete: Returned, Abused and Abandoned

Both Grace and Pete were something of a Cinderella story. Grace had been returned multiple times by multiple owners to the Humane Society of Columbus, Georgia due to her energy level and aversion to dominant male dogs. She is a forty pound, tan and white, Shepherd mix. I am certain she is mixed with Jack Russell Terrier; she is very bouncy. She had been at the shelter longer than any other animal there. She was sweet, affectionate, athletic and beautiful. She would be the perfect addition to our home and three cats. House breaking her wasn’t overly difficult, but trying to harness her energy was a lesson in patience. Letting her out of the house without a leash surely meant chasing her for thirty minutes before tricking her into the car with promises of a car ride. Grace fit right into our family, and Jake took a liking to her right away. They were inseparable. Grace could run for miles and play for hours. She was a social butterfly at the local dog park and learned tricks instantaneously. She was well-mannered and brought a happiness to our life that we hadn’t realized was missing. She was funny and she held us accountable. I gifted her with a stuffed wombat I was given during my work in Australia. We named him Wally and he has managed to survive to this day. Grace never begged for food, but she always knew just where to sit and lay to catch carelessly misdirected table scraps. Grace couldn’t outmuscle any dog, but she was always the fastest. She especially loved sprinting figure eights in the large sand pit in our community back yard.

Grace never stopped smiling and she was pretty decent at fetch in the beginning. She could curl up so tiny during naps that she would like a deer fawn, except with what we called cow spots. How at least two different families could have returned her was beyond us. Grace was a blessing and she was a constant reminder to not take things so seriously. She also has made a great running partner. Grace has a six foot vertical, so our pathetic four foot walls in the backyard cannot contain her. Before we realized she could conquer them, I came home one day to find only Pete in the backyard. A frantic search through the neighborhood found her playing in a different backyard with a new dog. Since then, we’ve unfortunately had to devise schemes to keep her in our territory. We’ve tied her out with a collar and she’s managed to slip out of it. We’ve tied her out in a running harness and somehow she’s managed to wriggle out of that too. Our new neighbors actually called Animal Control after she Houdini’ed out of her harness and jumped the fence to play with their dogs (we probably aren’t going to be having any barbecues with these new neighbors). She’s also jumped a different wall to use a different neighbor’s backyard as a bathroom. Personally, I wish I could have taught her that. Hilarious. This particular neighbor also has a dog and his “messes” have not been cleaned up in months. Their back yard is completely neglected and their Christmas decorations are left up year-round. Enough said. We have isolated her in the house and now she seems to have separation anxiety when she’s away from Pete. This has led to one or two accidents. Today I tried tightening her harness so her and Pete could be together outside. Hopefully this works. Otherwise, a large, tall kennel is in order.

Pete, on the other hand, was a mess. Chris decided we needed a “real man’s dog” once we moved to Texas. A casual shopping trip to a local retail store first introduced us to Pete who was being featured at an off-site adoption event. He was also a Shepherd mix like Grace, only a lot bigger. He was the only dog laying in the kiddie pool, all the other dogs were using them to drink out of. Pete had scars all over his body, no fur left on the end of his tail, huge swollen paws that bled easily, and little to no training. See, Pete had been a stray before Animal Control picked him up and took him to the shelter. An adult stray, male German Shepherd mix with no training and maybe no experience living inside a house. Great. About a week after we decided to introduce Pete to our family, Chris left for the field for a week. Now I’m alone with this adult stray, male German Shepherd mix with no training and maybe no experience living inside a house. Great. There were definitely nights I called Chris crying telling him we had to take Pete back. Never in my life have I seen an animal go to the bathroom that many times in a thirty minute timeframe. Needless to say, we have invested in a lot of pet cleaning products, and gotten rid of most of the rugs in the house.

Now, I can’t imagine my life without Pete. He seems to know he was saved and seems to be thankful. He will not stop licking our faces, he loves to cuddle and he thinks he’s a lap dog. Oh, and Pete weighs 90 pounds. Pete will play fetch for hours on end and still loves to lounge in his kiddy pool. We still have a long way to go in training him. He still hasn’t completely grasped the idea of holding it until we come home. Or, more likely, he has separation anxiety. He also likes to walk us instead of the other way around. I’m also working with him on that, but it’s hard to control a rhino on a mission. Regardless, Pete is a part of the family and now him and Grace are inseparable.

Pete has also posed problems of his own in keeping safe and secure during the day. He absolutely cannot be left inside since he has not been fully house trained yet. I don’t like leaving him outside either because of the heat, but it seems to be the only way. We fill his pool, leave out a lot of fresh water, and he has his shade spots too. He likes finding rocks and barking at them. I’m sure we’ll get complaints from our new neighbors.

As dysfunctional as they sometimes are, they are family. Grace stares at reflections and shadows on walls for hours. Pete barks at rocks all day. These are our babies and maybe, just maybe, we’ll miss all of this one day.

Life isn't fair.

As I’m writing this, my heart is still crumbled on the floor of my stomach. That’s my dogs’ fault. Never did I think that an animal could cause so much anger, pain and heart break. But that is one lesson that I’ve learned. If this is even a fraction of what raising a child is like, then maybe I’m not cut out to be a mom. On the other hand, maybe this is God’s way of conditioning me for the trials and challenges of motherhood. There have been many times that we have threatened to take the dogs back to the Humane Society, that they’ve crossed the line, that that was the last straw. Never have we been closer than the last couple days. I even posted an ad on Craigslist, pictures and all. “A small rehoming fee of $50 to cover their things: leashes, bowls, food, treats, kiddie pool, tie-out, XL kennel, toys, bandanas, beds, large water container, shampoo, doggy toothpaste, harness, collars, bones.” I took it down after two hours.
                They deceived us. We trusted them and were betrayed by our own. I am a firm believer that everything is a part of God’s plan, I have to be. But even through the anger, disgust and ocean of tears that have been spilled, they are still ours. “Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do.” They still need us. I’m still not sure if I can stand to look at them, but it hurts less than the thought of giving them away. Maybe time will set things back to normal. They can never be the way they were, but maybe things will get easier.
                I want to get this out of the way first, because I want to go on to show that our dogs aren’t monsters. Creations of nature that were born to hunt: yes, monsters: no. If they were evil, aggressive and unpredictable, then that Craigslist ad would have stayed active.

Saturday, September 19, started out as a beautiful morning. Oktoberfest the night before made for a slightly groggy morning, but not unmanageable. The sun was shining as standard in the Sun City. Oil changes in both vehicles were at the top of the day’s priority list. First was the Camry. A quick trip to the dealership, followed by a greasy, drive-thru breakfast settled everything from the night before. Chris and I headed back home to make the car swap and finish the errands. Upon arriving home, everything was fine. Everyone was where they were supposed to be, and everyone was happy. We finished our breakfasts, grabbed my set of keys and walked back out the door.
                My dealership estimated a wait of over two hours, so we did some car shopping, crossed the street to the mall, grabbed some rawhides for the dogs and went back to pick up my car and head home. Upon entering the front door, we immediately knew something wasn’t right. The dogs were on the opposite side of the security gate, which was supposed to barricade off the upstairs, where my Louis prowled and was safe. They had gotten to him and taken him from me.  Louis was my two-year old tabby who was rescued from a dumpster. Two dogs, which have lived unceremoniously with cats for a year, turned into something else. I have never met these dogs that would move a full-size bed across a room to hunt another member of our family. I have never met these dogs that would wedge a futon away from the wall in a blind rage of pursuit. I have never met these dogs that would take the life of my most loved possession in the name of sport.

Chris and I have many theories: 1. The addition of Pete to our family has created a pack-mentality with Grace. She has gained a confidence and Pete promotes it. 2. Louis never ventured downstairs and, once the dogs managed to get through the security gate, was viewed as a strange animal. 3. It started as chasing and playing before their natural instinct to pursue engaged.

In any instance, I am no less upset. It has taken everything in my soul to hold back more tears. It may sound stupid to some to have a connection with a cat, but it was Louis and I against the world for a long time. Louis was the only constant in my life before Chris, and the dogs that we brought into the house were the reason he is no longer here. I know Catholics aren’t supposed to believe that animals have souls, but the thought of never seeing him again is too devastating to bear. For now I will hope that he is chasing birds away from St. Francis and crying for treats. And the dogs are being moved outside.

As angry and hurt as I am, the dogs did not understand Louis’ value in my life, and they did not understand that he was mine. And continuing to punish them won’t help either, as they don’t remember what they did 15 minutes ago. Have I lost all trust in them? Yes. We still have one cat, Jake, and recently Chris got me a nine week old kitten, named Louis, to help with the healing process. Was it irresponsible to think dogs and cats could live together? I don’t think so. Will the dogs be allowed in the house while the cats are free? No. Is this an ideal situation? No, but the dogs have solidified the fact that life isn’t fair.

In the end, through all of the steps of grieving, through the agonizing despair, the intense hatred, the lack of understanding and the reminiscing, Pete and Grace are still mine. Maybe this does make me a mom.  Maybe this is the greatest lesson they will teach me. That through life’s tragedies, struggles and challenges, we must persevere together. I would not give up a child, and I cannot give up on them. Chris and I have chosen them, and we are obligated to honor that promise until they grow old and pass on. We have made a choice that is binding, a lifelong undertaking that we do not take lightly. True, this is the hardest decision that we have ever made, but they are still ours.