Keep loving through it all.

Quick updates: I did get up and run this morning and it was one of the best runs I've had here in El Paso to date. Grace did manage to wiggle out of her tightened harness as well. I have no idea how she managed that one, but I have a feeling Pete helped unclip her. So now Pete is outside, Grace is inside and the cats are upstairs in a room during the day. We're thinking a kennel is next so Grace can be outside and the cats can roam free again. Not sure if I've mentioned the cats yet, but we have Jake and Lil' Lou.  Jake is a male tabby who's almost two. He is very vocal and very big. We know he loves being outside, but he would never come home if we let him explore. Lil' Lou is ten weeks old. He is mostly white with a black spot and a black tail. He is extremely energetic and kitten crazy. We just bought them a cat tree which they both seem to love. Lil' Lou has no idea that Jake has a good 8-10 pounds on him. Lil' Lou has become a necessity in the grieving process over his namesake.

The event that happened two weeks ago was pretty traumatic, but I was able to realize something through that. In the days that followed, I couldn't look at the dogs. I dare say I hated them and the thought of them disgusted me. We were ready to give them away. But somehow, over the last week, the love has started creeping back in again. Are they incredibly annoying most of the time? Yes. Are they exhausting and needy? Yes. Are they messy and loud? Yes. But through some miracle, they are winning me back over. Grace's smile and cunning tricks, Pete's incessant circles and devotion to fetch. The way Pete "earthworms" his way onto the couch to lay across our laps. The way Grace whines outside of the bathroom because it pains her to know I'm so close but she can't see me. These are our dysfunctional, crazy animals. They make us laugh and let us know we're needed. These last couple weeks have been an absolute tornado, but the emotions are starting to even back out again (for the most part). Louis will be missed for the rest of my life, but he left an amazing legacy in his short life. And at the end of the day, we still have four animals that need love and care and attention.

So even in the deepest, darkest, most sad times, I've learned that there eventually be a day that is a little brighter. And from that day, an even brighter day will come. Louis touched my life in a way that I'm not sure any other animal will, but he made it better. He gave me love and laughter that I wouldn't have had otherwise and for that I am incredibly grateful. As for the pups, even they are helping fill up the void they created. So keep an open heart. As hard as it sometimes seems, keep giving. Let anger fall away and strive to truly die to yourself. This is a heavy lesson and the more I write this blog, the more I feel that our dogs are little Buddhas (although Pete looks a bit more like Yoda sometimes). "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."